Things I've learned from the Russ Martin Show.

Air Date: 04/30/2002


A kid from the grove can grow up to have the biggest house on the block.
No matter how old we get, Batman is still cool.
Cans don't have to be big to be nice.
Preaching isn’t just for church anymore.
Making fun of everyone, somehow, brings us all closer together.
You can actually form words while burping.
Hidden cameras in the bedroom are for security only!
If you finger someone in Mexico, you will be forgiven in America.
You can get a gun into Cancun; just not home again.
Jenny Jones is a lying bitch.
You can have a mullet and still sleep with porn stars.
Free the ducks.
Vasectomies should be given to men as Christmas gifts.
Pop rocks can be used as a sexual device.
Alka-Seltzer taken anally does not cure hangover.
Trash burns just as bright in the good part of town as it does in the grove.
All men cheat.
Women who want breast implants are ready for a new relationship.
Everything burns if you just try hard enough.
Potato guns are fun toys in the hands of a competent person.
Midgets are scary!
If a woman is utterly positive that she is hot … she’s not.
No matter how good you look in a sweater, you can still be deleted.
Masturbating ten times a day is normal.
An open supply door is an invitation to free toilet paper.
Overpaid athletes and movie stars are not hero’s; police officers and fire fighters who protect us are.
You can do a show based on nothing but shooting the breeze with your buddies; and people will listen.
Even kids without the use of their legs deserve bicycles.
The nuttier a chick is, the better she is in bed.
Closure means that she's sleeping with her ex., one more time.
Topless dancers' interest in you ends, when the $20's run out.
Hairspray and a lighter are fun all day.
Having ADD is not necessarily a bad thing.
No matter what tragedy is happening, fart noises are always funny.
Somehow an act of kindness means more coming from an A-Hole.