Russ was with the 579th armor battalion in Operation Desert Storm. He was gunner's mate aboard the destroyer USS HoseJob during the Falkland conflict. He was a P.O.W. in the Korean and Vietnam wars, losing his legs at one point, having to trade them back for a violin constructed soley from aborted fetuses, and re-attached them with a rusty Swingline stapler. He flew the lesser-known second bomber over Japan, the Enola Fag, in World War II. He was the president's personal aide in World War I. He was in the unit to first test-fire the Gatling gun in the Civil War. He personally carved General George Washington's new set of dentures from his own solidified spooge. It's a bit, maybe.